Family Relations Week 10

 This week in my family relations class we talked about communication, and conflict. We were talking about when there is disagreements or arguments, and how to handle them. We read from the Doctrine and Covenants. There was a beautifully worded scripture that gave such good advice for resolving issues. D&C 121: 41-43 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost. In the scripture it talks about coming to your partner with love and kindness. If you really think about and you are being honest with yourself, when you go to someone out of anger, saying you are trying to fix something, you rarely come to a solution. It’s much harder to see where you are coming from when you are scolding and arguing, rather than calmly trying to explain your perspective, and also being open and hearing your partner’s side as well. It also talks about reproving betimes, which means to pick an appropriate time when you think a conversation will be productive, and not just putting your partner down. And then it says when moved upon by the Holy Ghost. To me that means that we should be turning to the Lord with our concerns and feelings.  And we need to open ourselves up to receive revelation. And when we do, and we get an answer that is how you should handle it. Follow His promptings. Don’t confront your companion because your mad, that isn’t going to solve anything. Heed the council of your Father in heaven, and address it in the way he would want. I have heard these things before, pray about, be open, come from a place of love. I am pretty sure that we have all  heard these things countless times. But how often do we actually do it? I have tried to do it this way before. It is a much different experience. It is a much better experience, and yet majority of the time I don’t follow this advice. I know it is a better way, but a lot of the time I get mad, and I am coming from that place when I confront someone. I have heard these things, but I have never let them really impact me and take them seriously. I guess I’ve never actually considered the benefits, and also the negative consequences that come from not doing things this way. It can break up a marriage, if you can’t resolve conflicts. But even if your marriage doesn’t fall apart, it can lead to an unhealthy or unhappy relationship. I think even though all these things are pretty simple, they matter. They make a difference. Why would we ignore such little things That can make such a big change in our lives.

Later in class we talked about a more detailed way of addressing disagreements. Our teacher told us that when he has differing opinions with his wife, they schedule a time to discuss it. They start by each of them telling the other a bunch of things they love about each other. They say a prayer, and ask Heavenly Father what the best choice to make is. They discuss not what they want, but what they feel their Father in Heaven wants for them. They usually can come to some sort of a conclusion, and pray again to ask if that was the right decision, if not they do it again. After a decision is made, they end with refreshments. It is a simple enough approach. The one thing I thought was a little funny was that they end with refreshments. It seems a bit odd that treats are important enough to put in the routine of problem solving. But then after we were talking about someone made a point that it makes the whole thing more positive when you start and end on a good note. Start by expressing your love, and end by sharing in your joined love for ice cream. It is a nice way to end a disagreement. He even said that this is the process general authorities use, down to the treats. I think if I want to seriously improve my relationships, and not just in marriage, because I’m not married, but just in life. If I take this approach with friends, family, or any other loved one, there will be a much better outcome, and lead to a much better relationship.

Family Relations Week 9

 In class this week we talked a lot about stress, and how that can effect your relationships. The truth is, it is easy to keep things running smoothly when nothing ad is happening. It is when the trials and difficulties come that we really need to put what we have learned to the test. That is when things actually get hard. It makes me think of wat my mom always used to say to me when I was growing up, "It is easy to be nice to someone when they are being nice to you. It is a lot harder to be nice to someone when they are being mean to you, and that is when it really counts." There are reasons for our hardships and our tests. That is when your true character comes out. When you are stressed out, you are way more likely to be irrigatable, short tempered, and blame the people around. That is not very healthy for a relationship, specifically a marriage, but any relationship applies to that. It can be a lot harder to think of your partner when your mind is just so cluttered and overwhelmed. That is why it's so important that we learn to deal with it and handle our stress in a healthy way that does not damage your relationships. 

In class we talked about how stress can strengthen or break a relationship. That stuck out to me. It made me think of my own personal experiences. Now I am not married, and I also have never been in a serious relationship, so my experiences are slightly different than what we discussed in class, but it came to my mind and I thought I should share it. In my senior year of high school I had a friend who I got really close with. We started to hang out pretty much everyday, and it was very clear to everyone in our lives that we liked each other. He asked me out, and we went on one date. It ended badly. He was nervous, and started rambling. He said some things that bothered me, and the conversation just didn't go to well. We weren't yelling or even really arguing, it just wasn't what I thought would happen. I started over thinking everything. He was extremely close with my family and I didn't want to deal with them being so involved.  I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I didn't know how to be in a relationship with someone. There were so many thoughts going through my mind. I let my mind run wild, and I was super stressed about it. Instead of handling it the right way, communicating my concerns, and talking it out, I shut down. We had been friends for years, and after that night I decided I didn't want to be around him anymore. It wasn't fair to him, and it wasn't fair to me. I handled it in an immature way, and ended up ruining that relationship. So when we were talking about stress and how it can really impact the relationships in your life I knew that I needed to hear that and learn from it.

When you are in a relationship, and you go through hard things, it causes stress. But when you can figure out how to go through them together, you end up stronger for it. Don't shut down. Communicate your feelings and your frustrations. Come up with solutions together. And don't forget that you love your partner, and be patient with them.